beautiful mountain rain down

A few folks came by to sleep in the mountains last night, friends of the friends with whom I live. These folks hitch-hiked from Atlanta to Asheville. As I recall, she's studying in an ashram and is an expansive, light and beautiful being. Those should probably be words I use more in person with the people I enjoy (and perhaps those who I don't). I think he rides bikes a lot and is a quiet, kind, and gentle creature. Thank Mother God for speaking through people in passing.

This has been, let's say, a thoughtful 3 weeks living alone in my bed. The rain has come down almost continually, even when it's not coming down things are just drying out. It's true that I can't focus, but really it's a good thing. It has been a gift to feel so able to be expansive and trusting of what I'm receiving, that I'm not going to wash away. Even if I did, it'd be OK. I guess this is related to that guy not being around, too, and my feelings as they relate to relationships. I have had a very difficult time trusting people, I think from growing up with so much love between people who hurt each other and being so filled with love for people I couldn't trust. I've definitely had to learn from observation how it can be possible to live and love with people who don't cross those physical and emotional boundaries if they can help it. This has opened a door for me in the last 3 years. I feel like I can actually look back now and see that long and beautiful path through the door has taken me into an overgrown forest where my heart is so much more free. I can breathe and cry and grow and heal, gardening and being called to from the trees and the incredible flower that blooms on every plant.

OK, so I'm feeling very spiritual and heart-ful of late. That much is clear. I'm pretty excited for Mike to come home tomorrow. My body and heart feel so good when they're near him. I'm glad to be reminded of the difference when we're not together. I think it's a requirement for full appreciation to spend time apart.

My companions on the property here and I had a fairly stressful few days this week. We came to the consensus that we had to ask one of our roommates (and consequently his girlfriend, someone we all appreciate very much) to leave. It's very hard to know how to be a good and decent human being when I'm stressed out to the limit trying to figure out just the right approach to everything with someone I'm trying not to hurt. The thing is, I was angry with him and frustrated by his manipulation, both very clouding and coloring emotions. It was so hard to try to keep a clear head and to speak directly, with my brooding heart. I feel like we all came out of the bad situation feeling a lot better, though, having cleared the energy of the space. It was really pretty past time to ask this person to leave, and our home feels so much more safe and integrated now that everyone is on the same page.

In other news, we have planted the entire big garden with tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, broccoli, cabbage, lettuce, chard, beets, onions, basil, ashwaganda, and carrots. Over in the other garden there are chard, kale, mustards, lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, chervil, basil, beets, turnips, radishes, and other little babies. I'm planning to fertilize this weekend after the rain abates with kelp meal and fish emulsion for most of the little planties. The peonies and rugosa roses and poppies are all blooming, and it is so summertime, despite the rain and shade. Three weeks from the solstice and we had a freeze two weeks ago. What a place to be a gardener! Fortunately this is a super-abundant place for free wild edibles. Too bad you don't often run into wheat on the paths through the wild spaces.

I am so ready for the sun, for Mike's return, for thinking on future plans.

with love,

1 comment:

D. Lollard said...

thanks for sharing Mike with us for a minute. we miss you!