a gentle southern rain

What better way to spend a Sunday morning than quietly appreciating the almost silent falling of rain from the seldom darkened sky. This may be one of the last warm rains this region gets before the autumn air sets in. At least, this is what I imagine, though in reality the cold could linger north and west of here into October. Winter is coming, and it makes my heart ache just a little, especially considering there is no solid space assigned it for the coming months. Mk and I are driving back to North Carolina from Illinois next weekend, approximately one week from today. I need to be in Asheville for the herb conference I've been mentioning. I'll leave my hopes and fears up in the air as much as possible until that day gets here.

Springfield is a spiritually moving place for me. I almost without fail find myself depressed after a short time in this place. First I'm bored, then irritable, then sort of empty feeling. It's not that there aren't wonderful people here with whom I'm bonded and for whom I care greatly. Somehow there is just not enough for me to do here. I pretty actively avoid taking buses or walking around cars/barking dogs, and I don't know where exactly I'd go or what I'd enjoy on those walks. My body tells me to do nothing because there's nothing exciting for it to do. I feel very connected with a general American feeling when I'm here. Anyway, I think this is somehow a good thing for me to experience, accept, and from which to generate some new feelings. It helps to appreciate more the beauty of where I live the rest of the time to come here and drown in corn and cars. I'm experiencing what I absolutely do not like in hopes that those things I do like will surface and be genuinely recognizable. This is in general how it's always happened. Thank momma god for her wild and chaotic sense of reason. :)

One more thing, I wanted to talk about coming to know a little better what my mission/purpose/career path could be. Whatever is in the future, I hope it involves keeping stock of something dynamic, something that changes with inter-action. I hope it keeps my body occupied most of the time, 'cause movement is what a body craves. I see these benefits in herbalism, or in growing, tending, harvesting, and preparing plants. Working with plants opens me to the dynamic and intense nature of life on this planet. It helps me to better see all that is sick or dying in my parts of the world. It also gives me a much more cohesive understanding of how what is sick and dying interacts with and forms every new life. I think I'll work and live with plants for my life, considering they are everywhere, even in this urban center- decay is bringing new life to every part of this place.

with love,

1 comment:

D. Lollard said...

"Thank momma god for her wild and chaotic sense of reason. :)"